Tag Archives: pain

I’m not worthy of you, I’m not

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focus

if only i could rupture my ribs
if only i could swallow the glass shards
if only i could cringe my pallid eyelids to leave out
blood, bereavement and flaws
to get away from ‘nobody’
to surpass my past
to get into
focus

*I’ve been very lousy when it came to blogging the last year. I’m not completely taking up the blame on me as I have enough things keeping me busy. A new year, a new start. Hoping to be more frequent and better with all the poetry and writing.

Happy reading! 🙂 Feel free to opine and share *

50 word story: Unsung chapters

One hundred and twenty three more- chapters that remained unsung, in the room’s muggy corner. I cringed under the sheets as I liked the coherence with my indefinite pain. Better than ascertaining that it will remain untouched, unsung always.

He adored her desolation more, tearing apart those many luring pages.

under her dusty eyelashes

through the icky alley
she flees-
wild
tightening reins
the horse neighs in soreness

on its hoofs
as jangle of the heavy,
shiny chains disturb her
it can’t trot
more
halting is no option
for it will saddle up
burden, torture, hatred
piercing her feeble soul

fleeing is no good
too, i would say
for she will flounder in dry
rawness
striking out blithe hours
disparity as such is
fatal
to you too
because it is the person
same, indecisive—
sprinting fierce
away from the muffled shadows
created under
her dusty eyelashes

once spawned
to be bore
again i warn—
running is ruinous
standing lone under
yellow flickering bulbs
i see
she’s long gone

Definition Of ‘Ugly’

The ugliness was exposed once again, it was indeed imbibed in her. The mirror was gutsy enough in telling so. Her musty, messy black hair was tucked behind to avoid adding to the ugly state. The world injects pain, it takes complete freedom to tag people ugly and beautiful and offers each a special poking position without their permission – she was an experienced human.

The days she spent in solace didn’t go in vain. When she thought of taking a stand, to merge with the earth, the pain gifted a form of pleasure which the world failed to offer. Accepting herself as the definition of ugly was lucid.
She enjoyed; lived with it.

In Search Of A Smile

The car’s horn blared. With a jerk she awoke from her blissful dream; a dream full of past memories which stays evergreen. She never needs to be asleep to get those thoughts but just a free moment— anytime. The dusk had already fallen and the headlights were fighting its way through the smog. Things were barely visible outside which added up her free moments. She looked into the darkness and recollected things again. Every single thing appeared before her as if it’s a motion picture. Memories glistened as the thought of going there again struck.

It was 8:30 am and she was still half asleep. She felt someone move over her bed and with her half-opened eyes she shouted. Two of her friends were looking right into her face and one of them said, “Good morning lady, we won’t let you sleep. Wake up!” She got super irritated and playfully started fighting with them. They chit-chatted for a while and everything fit even more perfectly in their lives as the coffee arrived.

Those were the days, she thought. Now, it’s all different. When the sun uncovers itself from the horizon every day she wakes up to a dawn full of worries and pain. She thinks of the world of true friends who always needed her in everything, not only to get things done. That is why those memories had so much of the sweetness hidden in them. She desperately needed to reach her destination. There was still a long way to go to her world of happiness. It felt as if she left her smile back there and has to go back to get it or rather search for the lost ‘smile’. How sympathetic it sounds! She melted into her thoughts again.

The sleepovers were amazing. The burden of studies always multiplied when they were together. But the fact that it was multiplied with zero can’t be denied. She never had to pretend to be someone else. She had her originality and was never mocked at for that. The neighbours had their own way to please her. They were gems. She missed the calm long walks. Literally every bit she missed.

The car took a turn and she found herself in a place of familiarity. Last night she doesn’t remember when she fell asleep with all those thoughts running through her mind. She felt as if she woke up to her dreams. The air smelled perfect, it smelled of memories. She found her favourite statue covered up in weeds. That gave her the realisation of time. She was celebrating even though she knew things were not the same there. The floods had separated everyone. People moved away from that place and never returned back. Her family moved far away too. Her family hadn’t actually lost anything at all in the floods or her friends’ families did. But they all moved in search of a place that promised better earnings. This place therefore never brings in any bad memories to them. After many years, she tried to feel the things and store them in her heart so that she can unlock them and feel it anytime she wants in the future. She found her lost smile.

She got out of the car and found new people everywhere. It was no more ‘her’ place. But it was, in her heart. She imagined her friends and neighbours run towards her to hug and soothe her. But it stopped as people just brushed aside her telling her to move out of their ways. She still loved the place. They had to continue their journey as their final destination had not yet arrived. This place falls on the way, so they halted to get back the feel of crisp memories. She sat back in the car and leaned as her eyes brimmed with tears. She whispered as her voice barely came out, “Mom” and she paused. She could speak no further.

Her mom replied as if she read her daughter’s mind, “You’ll get back those days child, in some other way. Nothing is constant in anyone’s life. Life is indeed a beautiful struggle.”

She grasped that and leaned onto her mom’s shoulders, closed her eyes and fell asleep. She felt a pang of relief rush in.